big fat negative :(

Today was the big pregnancy test day. I was beyond excited that I made it to the test day without my period starting. My cramps from Friday seemed to subside over the weekend, and I began to think they were pregnancy cramps instead. I got more and more excited as the weekend went on. I even bought the extra expensive pregnancy tests this time ... the ones that actually say "pregnant" or "not pregnant" instead of just the one or two lines. I was so sure this was the month that I would see "pregnant". It wasn't meant to be. The test was negative. When "not pregnant" showed up on the little screen, my heart sank. As always, my hopes and excitement were crushed very quickly. I called my doctor to report the negative test. My voice shook as I told the nurse my sad news. She was sad for me and said "it gets harder every month, doesn't it?". She couldn't have said it more perfectly. It truly does get harder and I feel sadder every month. The nurse told me to go get a blood draw today just to confirm. I did that this afternoon. So, tomorrow I will know for sure. I am very sad today.