new cycle and trying to stay hopeful

I saw Dr. Schmidt on Thursday (12/16) for my baseline ultrasound. He could see the old ovulation sites on my ovaries, so I did ovulate last month. He decided to try something a little different this month. Instead of starting the Follistim injections that day, he had me take an oral medication from Thursday through yesterday. The medication is called Femara (http://www.femara.com), and it is in a category of drugs called aromatase inhibitors. The drug is indicated for breast cancer patients, because it reduces the amount of estrogen produced by the body (estrogen actually fuels certain types of breast cancer cells to grow). This drug is also used for infertility because decreased estrogen production causes increased follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) production. So, I took 3 Femara pills each day from Thursday through yesterday, and I started the Follistim injections today. I will go in for an ultrasound and bloodwork (estradiol level) on Thursday, and my Follistim dose will be adjusted based on the bloodwork results. Dr. Schmidt is trying this because he said my cycle was way too long last time (over 3 weeks between my period and ovulation), and he is hoping that the combination of Femara and Follistim will help me produce some big fat follicles by next week. He is aiming to do insemination by the end of next week, and I am hoping that is what will happen.

I know so many people who are pregnant right now (6 people come to mind immediately, and I believe there are a few more, too). I am so happy for them, but also so envious. I desperately want to be pregnant. My life has become completely consumed with getting pregnant. I wish I wasn't like this, but I don't know how not to be. I keep wondering how many more months I can go through this. I can't believe I am going to be 35 in two months. I have never felt as old as I do right now. I really stop and wonder sometimes if my time to get pregnant has come and gone. People keep telling me that we can always adopt. Well, yes, that's true, but adoption is a very complicated process. I have a few friends who adopted, and they had to go through so much to get their babies. Plus, it may sound selfish or unreasonable, but I just want to feel a baby growing inside me. More than anything, I want to feel everything that goes along with a pregnancy ... morning sickness, growing belly, feeling a baby moving around inside me, giving birth, and breastfeeding. I have been dreaming about being pregnant a lot lately. Maybe in 2011, that dream will become a reality.