first ultrasound :)

The ultrasound went well. Dr. Nash said that he saw exactly what he wanted to see ... a little black circle (gestational sac). I was disappointed to not see the heartbeat today, but he said it is too early, especially since I probably implanted late. I will have another ultrasound next Thursday morning, and we are hoping to see the heartbeat then. I will breathe much easier once I see the heartbeat. It's so stressful to have this nagging thought in the back of my mind that we don't truly know what is inside the little black circle. I am trying to stay positive, but it's scary. I'm ready for next Thursday already! I have been feeling nauseous at the same time every day, so I have to believe that is a good sign that things are progressing well. It was exciting to see the little black circle. :)

I can't believe I'm really pregnant!!!

I had another blood draw this morning. I called this afternoon to find out the results, and my beta hCG went from 54 on Wednesday to 126 today! It increased by 133%!!! Yay!!! Another sigh of relief! :) The next step will be an ultrasound next Thursday (4/5) morning at 8:15. Dr. Nash will be looking for the gestational sac and the yolk sac (the earliest source of nutrients for the fetus). The yolk sac may not yet be visible next week. The embryo may also be too small to see at that point, although it's possible to see the fetal pole (first visible sign of a developing embryo ... it looks like a tadpole!) and possibly detect the fetal heartbeat. Those last two things often don't show up until week 6-7, though (next week will be week 5). So, things will still be nerve-wracking for the next couple weeks (and really, through the end of the first trimester). But, I am still trying to focus on one day at a time, because worrying doesn't do me or that little growing baby bean any good. I am on cloud nine right now! I will update again next Thursday after my ultrasound. :)

Definitely, officially PREGNANT!!! :)

Yes, it's true! My beta hCG went from 19 on Monday to 54 today!! It almost tripled in 3 days! They are happy if it just doubles, so Dr. Nash was thrilled!! I am over the moon and honestly still in shock. I can't believe I am finally going to be a Mama! I have waited my whole life for this, and there have been many times in the last few years when I didn't think I was ever going to experience this. None of this would be happening if it weren't for my amazing sister, Heather. She has given Brian and me the most incredible, selfless, miraculous gift of life. Thank you, Heather, from the bottom of our hearts. You will forever be "Special Aunt Heather". :)

I took this test this morning ... I've seen "Not Pregnant" more times than
I can possibly count, so this truly made it feel real. :)

I have to go back for another blood draw on Friday, to make sure my beta hCG is still going in the right direction. Then, I will have an ultrasound sometime next week.

Brian and I are going out to our favorite Italian restaurant to celebrate tonight .. no wine for me, of course! :)

I will update again on Friday, after I get the results of my blood work.

Oh, and please don't post anything on Facebook yet. I need to get through this stressful first trimester (only 8 more weeks!!) before I announce my wonderful news to the world! :)

Hooray!!!! :)

today, I am pregnant ...

What a long, complicated day it has been. I went for my blood draw this morning at 8:15. I have been told several times over the past few months that I would receive a phone call with my results by 3:00 this afternoon. It was a looooong day. As the clock approached 3:00, I kept waiting for my phone to ring. It didn't. I called the office at 3:00 to find out what was going on. I was told that the results arrive at the office between 2-3, and someone would be calling me shortly. Soon, it was 3:30, and there was still no phone call. I called the office again, expressing my concerns that the office was going to close for the day and I wasn't going to know my results. That time, I was told that my results hadn't arrived (implying that other people's results had), and someone would call LabCorp to find out what was going on. As the clock approached 4:00, I was on the phone with Heather. She decided to call the Akron office to put some pressure on. She spoke with Michelle (the nurse we have been working with the whole time), who told her that the results for everyone had been delayed today, and it could be 4:30 before the results came in. Finally, around 4:30, the phone rang ...

It was Michelle. She told me that I am pregnant, but my beta hCG (pregnancy hormone) level was lower than it is supposed to be. According to Michelle, 50 is the number they look for on this blood draw. My hCG was only 19. She said not to worry, because it's possible that the embryo(s) just implanted late and that's why the number is low. There are also a few other possibilities (ectopic pregnancy or chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage). I am choosing to focus my energy on the first option ... late implantation. The fact that my hCG is 19 means that the embryo(s) DID implant, and I am technically pregnant. I have to continue taking all of my medications, and I have to go back for another blood draw on Wednesday morning at 8:00. Then, I will meet with Dr. Nash on Wednesday afternoon at 3:00, to discuss everything. Wednesday is the big day. If my hCG blood level doesn't at least double by Wednesday, then the pregnancy is most likely not viable. So, for now, I am cautiously pregnant. Here is some good info on beta hCG, for anyone who is interested.

I somehow managed to keep myself from buying a home pregnancy test, until today. For those of you who have been following this blog since the beginning, you know that this is a very big feat for me. In the past, I always tested early. This time, I think I was just too scared to test early. After my blood draw this morning, I finally bought a home test. I stared at it in its package all day. After Michelle called to tell me that I am cautiously pregnant, I decided to have my POAS (pee on a stick) moment. Sure enough, the test was positive. The line is faint, but it is definitely there. The paperwork that comes in the box clearly states that any line, no matter how faint, means pregnant. So, I finally got my BFP (big fat positive)!!

I have been experiencing waves of nausea, cramping, and headaches the last few days. These are all signs of pregnancy. I am going to focus on the fact that I am pregnant today, and I will worry about the next step on Wednesday. So for now, I am jumping for joy inside, and daydreaming about the *now more real than ever* possibility that I am going to be a Mama.

... and now, we wait ...

The transfer went well yesterday. I took a valium pill at 10AM, and we arrived at the office around 10:30. At 11:00, Alex, the embryologist came and got us. He took us to a preop/recovery room, and we talked about the embryos. He said that one of the 5 eggs that they took from Heather did something very rare ... it began dividing on its own, as if there was a sperm in it, but without a sperm! He said this is called a parthenogenic egg, and it is obviously not compatible with life. Pretty wild! That is the one egg that they did not fertilize. They fertilized the other 4 eggs. By day 1 (Tuesday), one of the eggs did not divide any further, so there were 3 eggs left. I called on day 2 (Wednesday) to check on the embryos, and Alex said that one of the embryos had stopped dividing, meaning that we had most likely lost it. :( So, we went into Thursday knowing that there would be only 2 embryos.

Alex showed us pictures of the embryos. See below for the pictures. They are graded on a scale of 1-4, and 1 is the best. Ours are both grade 2. Here's a chart that describes the grading:

Grade 1	Cells are of equal size; no fragmentation seen
Grade 2	Cells are of equal size; minor fragmentation only
Grade 2.5	Cells are mostly of equal size; moderate fragmentation
Grade 3	Cells are of unequal size; no fragmentation to moderate fragmentation
Grade 4	Cells are of equal or unequal size; fragmentation is moderate to heavy

Alex told us that grade 2 is very good, and about 80-85% of the embryos they see are grade 2. In order for the embryos to be viable for transfer on day 3, they need to have 4-8 cells. One of ours had 6, and the other had 8. The cells are the large, circular shaped objects. The cytoplasmic fragments (bits of cytoplasm that break off during cell division) are the smaller, bubbly-looking objects. See below for the embryo pictures:

This embryo has 8 cells and 20% cytoplasmic fragmentation

This embryo has 6 cells and 25% cytoplasmic fragmentation

Alex told us that because we only had 2 embryos, they wanted to give us the very best chances for success. So, they did something called assisted hatching. The embryos are enclosed in a shell called the zona pellucida. The embryos have to break out of this shell before they can implant. In assisted hatching, the embryologist makes several nicks in the zona pellucida, which gives the embryos a jump start at breaking out of their shells. We will take all the help we can get!! After we talked about the embryos, he told me to change into a hospital gown and put on a cap. He told Brian to put on a one-piece white spacesuit-looking getup, along with a mask and a cap. Here we are in costume:

They took us across the hall to the procedure room. I sat in a chair with the traditional stirrups at the end. Brian sat to my left. Alex came into the room and said that the doctor (not Dr. Nash, unfortunately ... Thursday is his day in the Columbus office) would be in shortly. He would be inserting a speculum and then cleaning off and drying my cervix. Then, he would insert a catheter through my cervix to make sure there were no issues getting through. A few minutes later, Dr. Moretuzzo (the medical director of the practice) came in and introduced himself. He had Alex use an abdominal ultrasound wand to press against my abdomen, and they were able to see the catheter in my uterus on the screen. He had no trouble getting the catheter through my cervix, so he gave Alex the go-ahead to get the embryos. Alex went through a door to the lab, and soon, the flat-screen TV on the wall came on. A petri dish with my last name and date of birth appeared on the screen, and Alex came into the room to get a verbal confirmation that this was the right container. Then, he focused the camera on the embryos, and we watched on the screen as he sucked the embryos up into a small, flexible tube. Then, he brought them in and gave them to Dr. Moretuzzo. Alex used the ultrasound on me again while Dr. Moretuzzo threaded the tube with the embryos up into my uterus. When he could see that the tube was in the right place, he released the embryos into my uterus. Then, it was all over. They had me lay there for about 10 minutes, and then Alex brought a gurney in and had me scoot over to it and stay laying down. He wheeled me back into the preop/recovery room, and told me to lay there for about a half hour. After a half hour, a nurse came and told me I could get dressed. Once I was dressed, she wheeled me down to the parking lot in a wheelchair, and Brian picked me up.

It feels very surreal that it's all over. Dr. Moretuzzo told me that the embryos will continue growing and dividing rapidly, and on day 5 (tomorrow), they will be blastocysts. At that point, they will begin breaking out of their shells, and by day 6-7, the embryo(s) will hopefully start to implant into the lining of my uterus. My pregnancy test will be Monday, March 26, 10 days from today. I will have the blood draw that morning between 8-8:30, and I will receive the phone call by 3:00 that afternoon. Oh, how those hours will drag ...

So, now we just wait. I am on 3 days of modified bed rest now. I am supposed to take it easy, not exert myself or do anything strenuous, and lay down as much as possible for the next few days. I am supposed to continue to take it easy and not do anything strenuous until after the pregnancy test.

Thank you to each and every one of you reading this, for all of the love and support you have given me. It has carried me through the last couple years of this roller coaster journey, and I am hoping more than anything (I have never wanted anything so much in my whole life) to give you the most amazing blog post of my life on Monday, March 26th. Until then, please keep sending positive thoughts and sticky baby vibes. :) xoxo

Optimistic and excited!!

Heather's egg retrieval was yesterday, and they took 5 eggs!! We were so excited!! Heather doesn't remember anything about the procedure, and is doing really well. Brian also dropped off his piece of the puzzle :) yesterday morning. The embryologist worked his magic yesterday afternoon, and fertilized the eggs. Typically, one egg and one sperm are put in a petri dish, and they are left to do their thing. Since we didn't have a lot of eggs to start with, the embryologist did an extra step called ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). Each egg was injected with a single super sperm, which cuts out the process of the sperm making its way into the egg. This adds an increased chance for fertilization. I was happy to hear this, as we will take all the help we can get to make this a success!

This morning, I received a phone call from the embryologist. He said that we have 3 embryos!!! He said that one of the eggs wasn't mature, and one didn't fertilize. We are SO THRILLED to have 3 embryos!! He also told me that we will do the transfer on day 3 (also very exciting news!). The transfer will be Thursday morning at 11AM. Dr. Nash's office has a protocol that they use to determine how many embryos will be transferred. They go by the age of the eggs (so in this case, they use Heather's age, which is 31, not my age, which is 36). For age 30-35, they transfer 2 embryos. If they were going by my age, they would transfer 3 embryos. I asked the embryologist if we could transfer 3 embryos, and he said they are reluctant to do so because the chance of triplets is so high. So, I'm not sure what we will do. In any event, we are so happy to have embryos!! Now, we just have to hope that the embryo(s) (yes, I would be overjoyed to have twins!) implant in my uterus.

I had my first intramuscular progesterone-in-oil injection last night. Brian has to give me the shots because they go in my backside, and it's hard to twist around and give myself the shot. We were both very nervous about the shot (there is a picture below to show you how big the needle is!). Brian did a great job, and surprisingly, it didn't hurt very much (thank goodness!). :)

So, I will update again after my transfer on Thursday. Lots of positive thinking going on here!! :)

Heather getting ready to give herself the HCG trigger shot 35.5 hours before the retrieval

Heather "pulling the trigger", aka giving herself the HCG trigger shot 35.5 hours before the retrieval

Heather in the recovery room after the retrieval

Beautiful card from my parents that arrived in the mail yesterday ... inside, it says "It's that beautiful place between the way things were and the way things are yet to be."

Brian holding the progesterone-in-oil injection ... look at that 1.5-inch needle!!

hope is a beautiful thing :)

Well, the roller coaster has continued for the past week, but I am thrilled to say that things are very much looking up right now!!

Heather had an ultrasound last Sunday, and the doctor (not Dr. Nash) told her that she didn't see a whole lot. This was discouraging, because Heather had been on her meds for almost a week, and we thought for sure there would be a bunch of growing follicles in there. She went back on Tuesday for another ultrasound, and Dr. Nash saw 4-5 follicles, with one being bigger than the others. He told her that she wasn't responding to the meds as well or as quickly as they had hoped she would. We felt pretty discouraged at that point. Michelle (Dr. Nash's nurse) told me on the phone that day that it was possible that the bigger follicle would continue to grow while the others stopped growing, and only one follicle would really not be enough to continue this cycle. Heather was pretty upset, feeling like she was failing and disappointing Brian and me. If only she could know how wrong she was. Yes, we were discouraged about the follicles (which, of course, Heather had absolutely no control over), but we couldn't be more thrilled that she agreed to give us this amazing gift, and we would NEVER be disappointed in her or feel like she failed us.

I had an ultrasound with Dr. Nash on Thursday. He said that the lining of my uterus was looking great, and my ovaries looked nice and quiet (meaning that the Lupron injections are doing their job). I expressed some concern about the follicle situation, and he quickly reassured me. He said that in the past, there was a lot of focus on a magic number of 10 follicles or more when doing an IVF cycle. In more recent years, there has been a lot of research that shows that quantity is not nearly as important as they once thought it was, and quality is really what matters. He said that maybe she was focusing her energy on a smaller number of follicles, and they are going to be really high quality. I like that! He assured me that he believes that the follicles will all still continue to grow, and that this will be a successful cycle. I left his office that day feeling much more encouraged and optimistic.

Heather had another ultrasound yesterday (Friday), and we got great news! Two of the follicles are ready, and three more will most likely be ready by the retrieval date. Yay!! :) Her estrogen blood level is also increasing nicely and appropriately, meaning that the eggs are good. She had another ultrasound this morning, and we got the best news yet ... 4 follicles are ready, and there may be 3 more ready by the retrieval date!! Yay!!! :)

Heather has one more ultrasound tomorrow (Sunday) morning, and the retrieval will be bright and early on Monday (3/12) morning. Brian has to be at Dr. Nash's Akron office (where the retrieval will take place) on Monday between 7-10 AM, to drop off his piece of the puzzle. :)

The eggs will be fertilized by an embryologist on Monday afternoon, and on Tuesday, I should get a phone call letting me know the transfer date. It will either be Thursday (3/15) or Saturday (3/17), at the Akron office. Brian and I will be heading up to my parents' house the night before the transfer. I have to be on 3 days of strict bedrest after the transfer, so my parents, Brian, and I are going to head to the lake for a few days of relaxation.

My managers at work have been incredibly supportive and flexible with me, and I am so grateful. They have allowed me to switch my schedule around at the last minute for the next two weeks, and it has taken such a weight off my shoulders. Brian and Heather's managers have been equally supportive and flexible, and we are all very lucky to work for such great employers. :)

As far as the meds go, Heather will take her last injections of Follistim, Menopur, and Ganirelix tonight, and she will take her HCG trigger shot (which will trigger the follicles to "finish" and be ready for retrieval on Monday morning) tonight. I will take my last Lupron injection tomorrow. I have to continue the estrogen patches through the end of the first trimester (assuming I get pregnant!!), and I will start the intramuscular progesterone-in-oil injections on Monday (eeek!). Those would also continue through the first trimester, and possibly the entire pregnancy.

We are feeling very optimistic, and are hoping for the best over the next couple weeks. The official pregnancy test (a blood draw) will be on Monday, 3/26 in the morning. I will know by that afternoon if I am pregnant. I can't believe I am 2 weeks from hopefully being pregnant!!! It's so hard to believe that we are finally at this point in our long journey. I am trying to stay composed on the outside, while jumping up and down and squealing with excitement on the inside. :)

Se, we are accepting all positive thoughts and good energy sent our way over the next couple weeks ... I will update soon!! :)