time in slow motion

I've never been one to wish away the passage of time. That being said, it's amazing how slowly time seems to pass since we've been trying to get pregnant.

I finished the five days of clomid (double dose) on Saturday. The hot flashes were much more frequent and intense this time. I'm still having them now, three days after I stopped taking the medicine. I always get hot at work normally, just from running around so much. But, the last few days that I worked, I had moments where I was sweating profusely. I was making an effort to spend time in front of the fans in my patients' rooms as often as possible! ;) I am also much more moody this time ... poor Brian. :( I have to put on a happy face at work, so I feel like I really let my moodiness shine through when I'm at home. :(

So, I'm anxiously awaiting next Monday, which is the ultrasound to see how many follicles I have. I will also most likely give myself the HCG injection that day, too. Then, the long two-week wait until taking a pregnancy test (or starting my period) begins.

moving forward

Well, it's time for a new cycle, and I am staying positive!!

Dr. Schmidt's nurse called me today and told me to start the clomid tomorrow (since they want day 3, aka clomid start date, to be 3 full days into the cycle, and I only spotted most of the day on Saturday ... sorry for the TMI!).

My ultrasound is scheduled for October 4, and I will most likely ovulate on October 6th. Interestingly enough, October 6 is our 9-year wedding anniversary, and I am a big believer in "3rd time is a charm" in life, so I am choosing to believe that all of this is meant to be. :)

roller coaster

I got so excited yesterday when my period didn't start (that was the day I started last month), and started to get a glimmer of hope that I might actually be pregnant. Those hopes were dashed when I got home from work this morning and started my period. I wish one of these months I could actually make it to the day I'm supposed to take a pregnancy test before my period starts. I'm feeling very sad right now and sometimes wonder how many more months I can do this.

Oh well ... need to move on and start the double dose of clomid on Monday. And another month begins ...

I really wish I could feel more optimistic right now ...

I had my 7 days post-ovulation progesterone blood draw on Monday. My doctor's office tells everyone that no news is good news regarding these blood level results, so my heart sank when my doctor's phone number showed up on caller ID on Tuesday morning. Sure enough, my progesterone this time was only 5.2. Last month it was 17. Technically, anything over 5 means that ovulation occurred, but I just don't understand why mine was so much lower this time. The nurse on the phone tried to reassure me that this doesn't mean I'm not pregnant ... it just means that if I'm not pregnant, I will have to take double the dose of clomid next time. That means double the cost, double the side effects, and most importantly, I am heading farther down the road to clomid failure. Because of the potential long-term effects of clomid (ovarian and endometrial cancers are the ones that stand out in my mind), I won't be taking it for more than 6 months. This means that I am 1/3 of the way to clomid no longer being an option for me.

I made the mistake of taking a pregnancy test last Friday (only 4 days post-ovulation). I was over the moon giddy when I saw that faint pink "pregnant" line. Of course, I didn't realize until a few hours later that of course it was pink ... I gave myself an HCG injection 6 days earlier. Pregnancy tests detect HCG, so obviously it picked up the HCG that was still in my system from the injection. Needless to say, I came crashing down from cloud nine pretty quickly after I had that realization. I promised myself I wouldn't take anymore pregnancy tests until at least the middle of this week. I held off until this morning, and of course it was negative. Technically, I am not supposed to take a test until Monday (5 days from now). I have had cramps for the last couple days. I have a nagging feeling they are menstrual cramps, not pregnancy cramps. If this month goes like last month, I will start my period on Friday, just as I start my 3 days in a row at work. I am just feeling so pessimistic right now. I am starting to wonder if I am ever going to be able to conceive a child. I don't know how people go through this for months and years. It is so heartbreaking going through this every month. I know we've only been doing clomid and timing everything for 2 months, but we tried to get pregnant for several months before that, too. I am normally such a "glass half full" kind of girl, but my glass is definitely looking half empty to me right now.

ovulation complete :)

I am pretty sure I felt myself ovulate this morning. I am aware that this is way too much information for some of you, but I just had to share. ;)

I was driving home (from my 3rd 12.5+ hour night of work in a row) at around 8:15 AM, which was the ETO (estimated time of ovulation ... haha), and I was just picturing that big fat follicle rolling down my fallopian tube and bouncing around in my uterus. I am laughing as I type this. :)

Who actually thinks about these things!? I do!!!

So now, the agonizing 14 day wait begins until September 20th, when I take the official home pregnancy test. I am really going to try to force myself not to test earlier than the 20th, because the disappointment is hard. I must be a glutton for punishment, because I do the early tests knowing they will absolutely be negative (even though I have a glimmer of hope for a positive!). Oh well.

I am heading off now to enjoy a couple days away from work! :)

follicle is ready!

I had my mid-cycle ultrasound today. Fortunately, I have managed to avoid the Clomid side effect of thinned uterine lining, as Dr. Schmidt confirmed during the ultrasound today. He was only able to see one large follicle in my right ovary, which concerned me a bit (since I had 5+ follicles last month). He alleviated my concerns by saying that it is perfectly normal to only have one mature follicle, even on Clomid. After all, women who ovulate naturally usually only produce one mature follicle per cycle. He said that the follicle is nice and big, so he was pleased. I will give myself the HCG injection on Saturday night (again, at work!), so I will ovulate Monday morning. I am being cautiously hopeful, although it is harder to be hopeful this time, for some reason. I will have my blood drawn on 9/13 to check my 7dpo (days past ovulation) progesterone level, and I will take a home pregnancy test on 9/20. The long two week wait begins again! Fingers and toes crossed for a BFP (big fat positive!!) this month! :)

finished 2nd round of Clomid

Today was my last day of my second round of Clomid. I had a lot more hot flashes this time ... they are truly surreal! For about 5-10 minutes, I feel like I am melting from the inside out! I sweat profusely and my face gets very flushed. I can finally relate to what my Mom went through when she would roll down the car windows in the middle of January! ;)

I will go in for an ultrasound next Thursday (9/2), to see how my follicles look. I will update after the ultrasound!